This week in bread

This Week in Bread

This Week in Bread

Crown Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria Tastes Bavarian Cream Donut, Cries

Crown Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria, also known as Duke of Bavaria, Count Palantine by the Rhine, commander of the German 6th Army, and the last heir to the Bavarian regal line of kings, has tried the donut of his homeland’s namesake: the Bavarian Cream Donut.

“It is a very so yucky donut,” he said, bitter tears rolling down his royal cheek. “One that makes me wish we had won the war, and henceforth forged the fate of donuts in the modern world.”

When pressed, Crown Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria began to hiccup pathetic, animal-like sobs.

“This American cream,” he wailed, “it is a mere crème pâtissière, not a true bavarois.”

Dane Tries Danish in Japan, Becomes Confused About Self

Odger Agard, 23, tried a danish in Japan last week, only to leave the pastry shop feeling fundamentally disturbed.

“I barely know who I am anymore,” said Agard, a nondescript traveler who was staying at a hostel. “I took one bite of that danish and thinked, I’m Danish, and ya, I thinked I knew to Danish, and yet I not did know.”

Mr. Agard is currently staying at a hostel, where he is undergoing existential personality crises.

God May Have Invented Pie

There is no proof that God doesn’t exist. As such, it is within the realm of possibility that God does exist. Further, as a matter of course, it is possible that our bearded, cloud-dwelling patriarch may have invented pie. Let’s say…blueberry.

Pizzas are Basically Round, Salty Toast

According to research, pizzas are basically round, salty toast.

The research was performed by a double blind study. The first group was given toast to eat. They described the toast as “square” and “toasty.” Meanwhile, the second group was given pizzas to eat. They described the pizza as “round” and “salty.”

As neither group was able to produce further adjectives to describe their food, the study concluded that the biggest differences between these two foods are shape and salt content.

Next time on This Week in Bread

Boston Cream Donuts Originally From Kathmandu

Bear Claws Not Actually Apple Fritters

French meets American, becomes enraged

More History and Current Events Satire: