law satire

Ancient Locals Confused By “Laws”

Ancient Mesopotamia, Tuesday Afternoon –

“I don’t know what a ‘law’ is, but I am just going to do whatever the fuck I want.” This seems to be the general consensus of the local village, which had just discovered the ancient social science called,”law.” Up to this point, people have been killing, and stealing, and squeezing, and tickling anyone they wanted.

“Now some dolt comes around, carving “laws” into a big flat stone. I’d smash the damn thing over his head if it wouldn’t land me in jail.”

“He might as well encompass all the rules into ‘never having any fun’ ” said Geeilyketosukmiowndeek, local anarchist and general purveyor of mischief. “Up to this point, we could do anything. Now it’s like, I can’t just walk around cutting people up even though it’s hilarious. What’s this world coming to? Next thing you know we’re gonna be inventing paper, cutting that paper into rectangles, and then stealing those rectangles from each other so we can trade them for goods and services, like oatmeal and slaves.”

Another villager suggested that “law”is a magic spell that will punish you for not doing right, and fulfilled by the gods, who live in the clouds. A nearby person called this person an idiot, saying that he had just described “religion,” not law. Of course, everybody knows that religion and law come to the same thing: you have to believe for them to have any power.

Small judge gavel placed on table near folders