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How to Twist your Parrot’s Head off Without Even Really Trying

Satire

If you’ve ever held your pet bird in the palm of your hand and wondered what it would be like to just snap its little head off, you’re not alone. In this article, you’ll learn just how to snap your parrot’s head off without even really trying.

First, you want to reestablish the long-running trust between yourself and your caged, feathered friend. Invite your parrot onto your finger. Give it a snack or offer it a little playtime to give it a sense of assuredness that nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

Once your parrot is lulled into a false sense of security, coddle it in your left hand (if you’re right dominant). Initiate neck and chest petting, if that’s part of your master-pet routine. Slowly, move your hand up to its neck. As you do this, it is important to maintain a petting motion, as not to alarm the animal.

Then, ball its head inside your fist so that its crown is tucked snugly against the cupped palm of your hand. As you do this, firmly position your thumb against its throat and your pointer finger along the back and side of its neck. If you’ve done it right, your pinky should be curled almost all the way around so that it comes close to touching your thumb.

Now, quickly, pull your parrot down with your left hand while twisting up with your right.

Congratulations, you’ve done it! Now tote that bad boy down to Petco for a refund.

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